You’ll have one of those days DV survivor. It’s okay, just breathe.


I’d say a majority of my posts, probably all my posts are optimistic, upbeat, positive, and reinforcing, but Friday was a pretty bad day for me.

It set me back quite a bit. I’m not going to go into details because in the end it doesn’t matter. What matters is that being a DV survivor is how you bounce back and realize that you’ll have moments like this in life.

I haven’t had a bad day like that in approximately 14 months. The one on Friday was over a miscommunication between myself and another individual. The screaming began. Not me but him. I froze. My legs were like cement. I felt like I was actually going to faint. I listened and barely spoke and after that 3 minutes of that horrific moment, just like that, it was over.

I don’t post about being a domestic violence survivor because number one, I hate pity parties. I hate dwelling. I hate reliving those time periods in my life. But now it feels different. I feel like I am in a place where I can discuss it to a degree without completely going into a catatonic state.

Without a doubt in my mind, PTSD and domestic violence go hand in hand. I’m getting better since Friday, I am doing things to try and forget it. I’m able to hold back the tears, the ache inside, the pains in my stomach, and the thoughts of it are diminishing.

You have to draw a line in your mind with you on one side and the incident on the other. Look over that line. Realize that you are on the safe side and you recognize that you are okay standing where you are. Look at that incident like you are watching it on tv. After it’s over, shut it off. It’s over and done with. You are standing over that line and you are okay and safe.

Next, look around you. You can breathe. You’re alive.  You are going to have times in your life that even though you aren’t in that domestic violence relationship you were once in, you will encounter times that are going to make you feel like you are.

This probably sounds like I am allowing people to treat me the way I use to, no. This is called everyday life and people are going to have heated arguments, disagreements, and even though it affects you so severely, those doing the screaming and yelling don’t have any clue. They don’t know what you’ve been through. But you do and you can overcome any blip in the screen. Your heart is beating and you are okay.

How did I handle this you ask? Well after he left the room, I stood with my feet glued to the floor. It took at least a minute to move my rock feeling feet and rubber band legs again. I am resilient and I can get through this I said to myself. At first I was angry, no tears, just rage building up inside me. I was disappointed with myself. Then the tears and sobbing started. This is the first time someone made me feel like this since I left my last relationship 14 months ago. I felt like I needed to go runaway and hide like I’ve done before.  I sat there and didn’t know what to do.

Right then, he walked in the room and sat down. Of course I was speechless. What do I do? How am I going to handle this again? But it wasn’t an “again.” He said to me that he wanted to apologize. He didn’t mean to scream at me like that. I felt a little relieved, not a lot, just a little. I responded with what I had to say and explained myself. It was just a measly miscommunication over something so trivial. I don’t think, I know he realized the way the way he approached me was uncalled for. We talked and I cried. I couldn’t help it. Through the sobs, I told him I am a strong woman. I am independent.  He looked at me like I was nuts and didn’t understand what I was getting at.  That’s okay though. Communication helped ME understand that not every situation is the same as it was before.

Even if it was a different situation, and it was the onset of another bad relationship, I have the knowledge and strength now to know the difference and exit from any toxic relationship that has the potential of infiltrating me.

Enough said. You too can overcome and defeat anything that comes your way. Just breathe. It’s going to be okay. You’re alive and able to get it right this time. Be thankful.

 

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Lunch in upstate NY, Casa Too Mucha


For a Wednesday a.k.a. hump day, I must say it turned out to be a great day. My kids had a snow day, the office was slow, and I didn’t have to substitute teach either. Woo hoo! So we went to lunch at our favorite Mexican restaurant called Casa Too Mucha. The title is very deceiving because its far from expensive.

The menu ranges from Mexican food to anything and everything else. Everything on the menu is homemade and delicious! My favorite is the chicken chimichanga. Oi!  And yes they still have their Christmas tree up but that makes the place even more special. The owners are so welcoming and the place is cozy as heck.

Since we had a little time to kill after lunch we did a little shopping at Marshall’s in Rome, NY. If once or twice a month I can go in there just to catch some deals I am more than a happy camper. Seriously, you can’t beat their prices on some of their stuff. Good quality leggings for $5.99 really??? And a sweet little tunic for $9.99. How can you go wrong??

I love finding good buys. Two recommendations if you’re ever in the upstate NY area. Casa Too Mucha for a great meal and Marshall’s for great deals on household items, clothing, etc. You can’t go wrong.

The weekend is almost here and we are suppose to be going to the movies and out to eat. I’ll be doing a movie critic review as well as dining review again this weekend! Enjoy your day everyone!

White out


Getting a late start today. Took boys to school and starting my workday with Mike in a few. They are calling for lake effect snow up to 8 inches. I’m wondering if I’ll be picking up my cherubs early today hmmm….

It looks like a definite white out now as I type and look through my bedroom window. Cold but so beautiful.

I’ll take some pics and upload today.

God I love New York.

Have a great day everyone and don’t give up on whatever it is you set out to do. The best reward is the feeling of accomplishment. It doesn’t matter how big or small the task, the important part of it is that you got it done.

SWYF Thursday


I have to make this real quick. How can someone speak such vile words in one instance then turn around and portray like the are so innocent the next? I don’t get it?

She texts me and says:  if “so and so” and you cross paths then I(me) should spit in their face. Huh? Just because you made your destiny by burning other people and not knowing when to keep your mouth shut, does not mean I should live the same life that you live, which in my opinion is just horrible. She backstabs, belittles, and is a complete narcissist. Sadly, I am related to her. Yes, we share the same blood but I am in no way shape or form like her in anyway. My stomach turns when I hear her speak like that. What happened? Is she the milk man’s daughter or did the swap her accidentally in the delivery room?

I can go on and on but I have to get to work and I’ve been delaying this for the past couple of days so here I go.

I’m sure I’ll be back with something more to say in a bit. I can’t concentrate lately. Freakin hate this.