People, life, relationship, hurt, choices, chances


They piss me off. They also make my blood pressure rise. I left someone because he treated me and my boys horribly. I’m talking about my boyfriend of 5 years. He put on a show for his friends and family(sometimes)and acted like he really gave a shit. Behind closed doors we were living in hell. My son developed a stuttering problem over the course of two years and as soon I as left him, my sons stuttering problem stopped. He put us down, he screamed and yelled at us so much that my kids wore their earphones to their ipods and computer all the time. They didn’t want to hear it anymore and neither did I. He slipped from time to time and showed his true colors in front of his friends and family.

What I should have done from the beginning was take the advice of those who came to me and forewarned me about him and told me to stay away from him but stupid me, always giving someone the benefit of the doubt as usual.

I’m so happy and I hate it when people get in my ear and tell me how what I did wasn’t right, or how I’m going about things isn’t cool. How is it do they want me to go about it??? Stay with a person who belittled my kids and I? Stay with a person who made us a nervous wreck? Why just so we can make everyone’s life seem peachy??

All I can honestly say is that I tried. I gave it my best effort but I could do no more or I probably would have lost my kids to their dad. It was a bad situation that I had to make right and I did.

His house, his family, the camping trips, the big holidays, the presents for the kids, all that means nothing when you get back home and it’s just the four of us and it goes bad once again. Those times that are so far and few in between aren’t worth everything else that we had to go through. I wish things could have been different. There is so much more to the story but why bother? It’s like everyone else who goes through this it’s a relationship that went bad. I spent 18 years in an abusive relationship and there was no way I was going to spend the rest of my life in a similar situation. And, if the time ever arises again where I am not happy or I’m in a place where I don’t want to be in life, I’ll change it again. That is my option. This is life and we have the ability to make choices. If you don’t, your stupid.

Over and out for now until I feel the need to spill my guts once again.

Dishes


I stepped out of the box and splurged on a new set of dishes from the Dollar Tree. The brand though is Royal Norfolk which I’m really surprised because I think that is a pretty good quality dish? Eh maybe I’m wrong and I want to believe I got a steal but whatever anyway. I love them and they are different then anything I would buy. Out with the old in with the new.

I seriously have no business being on here. I’m behind on my schoolwork and I skipped interning today. Arrghh my bad. It was just one of those days.

I went for my regular checkup and the good news was I am off my BP medicine for the time being well until he checks it next week to make sure my BP stays down and I lost 15 lbs since September. Wooo hooo! The bad news is I have two cyst on my wrist which is causing my arm to go numb and the other bad news is I don’t have health insurance to have them removed. Oh well. I don’t think I’m alone on that one.

Anyway that’s it for now. I have to get going on my chores blah.

dishes

This is funny


When I first started this blog the purpose was to make it about new beginning, new house, starting over, and in one sense it is but the “new beginning” started off once again on a whole new track. Things played out a lot differently than what I expected and honestly I am not even sure where this is going to leave me. There are so many unknowns out there it’s not even funny. I feel like my life changes from one second to the next and I never ever know what tomorrow will bring. Talk about being the furthest thing from stability….??? Wth? Do I need that bucket with cement to keep me grounded? But if I did stick with one situation I would still be miserable to this day. Or if I sat around waiting for something or someone, that feeling left me empty. Empty isn’t good either.

I’m happy right now but scared. I feel like I didn’t buy that ticket yet for my final destination and it is making me uneasy. I think I should have some kind of plan set in place and don’t get me wrong, I’m in school full-time, I’m heading towards a goal, well sort of, I haven’t decided yet if that is truly what I want to end up doing. But that’s nor here nor there I’m use to not figuring it all out yet but is anyone?

To sum me up, I’m a 43-year-old mom, two awesome boys, in a so far great relationship with a guy who I think for the most part gets me. I am heading in a direction workwise that I think is what I ultimately want to be doing for the rest of my life. Those are all the good parts. My fears stem from I guess being at this age and stage in life and not having retirement(I did actually get the paperwork to open up a retirement account now I just have to follow through), not having health care, losing my house(to a fire)and having a jerk of an ex-husband that didn’t do his part and keep the insurance on it. Keeping my grades up in school, being the best mom I can be without sacrificing having a life of my own. Staying healthy and being true to myself.

I’m on a roll today. Why am I posting all this stuff about me well, I am real just like everyone else out there. I may not have figured out the direction I really want to be going in but at least I have some sort of a plan. I know for one thing and that is I am blessed with my kids being healthy and being able to stay at home with them during the summer and go to school full-time so I can finish my degree. I’m going to let it at that for now. I have a lot more I’d like to discuss but we have a dinner date at the Recovery Room to watch the CUSE game. So everyone enjoy the rest of your weekend. Thanks for listening.

V DAY


Happy Valentine’s Day. I know, I know to some it is just another day but for others it can mean that it is a day that kind sums up part if your life in a nutshell.
My life in a nutshell has been a crazy one. The shell that I’ve been living in has been tossed around, kicked, and thrown against a wall.
Today is the first time that I feel like V Day really has meaning for me.
I love Carrie from Sex in the City so I’m going to refer to my guy as Mr. Big lol. Lame yes I know. It’s been 4 1/2 months since we started seeing each other. We hit a few road bumps along the way but we got over them. Hey our relationship isn’t perfect but the main factor in this for me is that I’m so happy. He treats me like gold without hesitation. Is this what it feels like to be put on a pedestal? I can’t describe it or how much I appreciate my life and what god had given me. Out if everything bad comes something good. I truly believe. My mom always told me to think that way and she was right. Positive thoughts bring positive results.
Have a great day everyone xoxo