When I first started this blog the purpose was to make it about new beginning, new house, starting over, and in one sense it is but the “new beginning” started off once again on a whole new track. Things played out a lot differently than what I expected and honestly I am not even sure where this is going to leave me. There are so many unknowns out there it’s not even funny. I feel like my life changes from one second to the next and I never ever know what tomorrow will bring. Talk about being the furthest thing from stability….??? Wth? Do I need that bucket with cement to keep me grounded? But if I did stick with one situation I would still be miserable to this day. Or if I sat around waiting for something or someone, that feeling left me empty. Empty isn’t good either.
I’m happy right now but scared. I feel like I didn’t buy that ticket yet for my final destination and it is making me uneasy. I think I should have some kind of plan set in place and don’t get me wrong, I’m in school full-time, I’m heading towards a goal, well sort of, I haven’t decided yet if that is truly what I want to end up doing. But that’s nor here nor there I’m use to not figuring it all out yet but is anyone?
To sum me up, I’m a 43-year-old mom, two awesome boys, in a so far great relationship with a guy who I think for the most part gets me. I am heading in a direction workwise that I think is what I ultimately want to be doing for the rest of my life. Those are all the good parts. My fears stem from I guess being at this age and stage in life and not having retirement(I did actually get the paperwork to open up a retirement account now I just have to follow through), not having health care, losing my house(to a fire)and having a jerk of an ex-husband that didn’t do his part and keep the insurance on it. Keeping my grades up in school, being the best mom I can be without sacrificing having a life of my own. Staying healthy and being true to myself.
I’m on a roll today. Why am I posting all this stuff about me well, I am real just like everyone else out there. I may not have figured out the direction I really want to be going in but at least I have some sort of a plan. I know for one thing and that is I am blessed with my kids being healthy and being able to stay at home with them during the summer and go to school full-time so I can finish my degree. I’m going to let it at that for now. I have a lot more I’d like to discuss but we have a dinner date at the Recovery Room to watch the CUSE game. So everyone enjoy the rest of your weekend. Thanks for listening.
Happy Valentine’s Day. I know, I know to some it is just another day but for others it can mean that it is a day that kind sums up part if your life in a nutshell.
My life in a nutshell has been a crazy one. The shell that I’ve been living in has been tossed around, kicked, and thrown against a wall.
Today is the first time that I feel like V Day really has meaning for me.
I love Carrie from Sex in the City so I’m going to refer to my guy as Mr. Big lol. Lame yes I know. It’s been 4 1/2 months since we started seeing each other. We hit a few road bumps along the way but we got over them. Hey our relationship isn’t perfect but the main factor in this for me is that I’m so happy. He treats me like gold without hesitation. Is this what it feels like to be put on a pedestal? I can’t describe it or how much I appreciate my life and what god had given me. Out if everything bad comes something good. I truly believe. My mom always told me to think that way and she was right. Positive thoughts bring positive results.
Have a great day everyone xoxo
It isn’t perfect but it’s pretty darn close. I’m going to continue to count my blessings and be thankful for the here and now. I feel like a big ole great weight is lifted off my shoulders.
I guess having faith does pay off.
Have a great day everyone ❤
There are times that in your mind you constantly give people the benefit of the doubt, trust in them, believe them, feel in your heart that the motives/intentions that the have for you are pure and in your best interest, right? I for the most part live my life with these types of beliefs but then there are those couple of people in your life that when you step back and analyze what type of relationship you have with them or what is it that is making the relationship a substantial meaningful one, it hits you. Well it hit me. The timing of the phone call, the words that are being exchanged, and that gut feeling that you know in your heart it’s all wrong.
Yet it’s wrong over and over again but why do we submit? Why do we hold on to that one piece of hope that things might change and turn around? It is the chain of events that have taken place repeatedly that I now realized it wasn’t for me it was for them. Their intentions were for their own best interest. No matter how much you want to believe that there was something genuine there, that feeling bursts. I always wanted to believe that it was good and right for all those years but little things that are surfacing now make me realize that half the time it was all bs. I’m not saying there was some “real” moments in there but in the end when they are trying to hold on to you to get what they can you finally wake up and say, ahhh I see. It took a while for me to wake up but I did finally with the help of someone else who doesn’t even know he helped me see how I should be treated, that is when it all became clear.
Like I said before, I really want to write a book about my life and start straight from the beginning. The course of events that have taken place in my life all lead up to somewhere and I think I am at the place where I’m suppose to be finally. We shall see….