Standing on the outside looking in, for the most part people look like they have it together. I look basically normal on the outside and live a pretty basic life but there are days that are not so ordinary at all.
I just want to share my story if anyone is listening or can even relate to my trials and tribulations.
My blog varies ranges from everything to my current mood to my latest decoration epiphanies.
Currently I am obsessed with finishing my coffee bar before I go into surgery on the 26th of this mon(March 2015). Yup neck surgery. Laminectomy to be exact. C3 to C6. Bare with me when I blab about that as well.
That’s it for now.
I hope you enjoy it!
I want to change this cycle I have been in for the past 10+ years. I feel like I haven’t been doing what I should be doing or not where I should be in life. With that being said, since my last post I did get my Christmas miracle and all went well. Or as well as it could have been. For the most part it was peaceful. Was it because I kept the peace and if something was out of sorts I took the blame or just swept it under the carpet? I feel like I am holding my breath at times and it all went well until yesterday anyway.
I can’t help but get angry once in a while and say what I feel. This doesn’t sit well with him. In a nut shell I am supposed to take it because this is how he is especially when doing business and if everyone else does it means I should too. Am I being too sensitive? When he starts screaming at me or when I ask a simple question and if he isn’t in the perfect mood to talk to me, then I should just let it go when he blows up at me? I’m tired of thinking of the right way to handle this. I don’t make excuses for myself or play the martyr. On a daily basis with him that is what I contend with. I can’t take it anymore. Get over with what happened to you 43 years ago. Get over who did wrong in life and all the bad relationships you’ve had. This is life. Life is a cycle and if we harbor all that went wrong it will destroy us in the end. Why can’t people realize this??? If I held on to everything that went wrong in my life starting at age 6, the stress and memories from all of it would have killed me ten times over.
I wish for nothing more than for this to be my best year ever. No fighting, no screaming, no threats, just peace.
It isn’t perfect but it’s pretty darn close. I’m going to continue to count my blessings and be thankful for the here and now. I feel like a big ole great weight is lifted off my shoulders.
I guess having faith does pay off.
Have a great day everyone ❤
Well, usually most of the time the things I talk about never make any sense because I like to rant and rave about useless pieces of information that won’t make sense to most but there are some out there that do get it.
Anyway lol, my birthday was this past Saturday. I just turned 43. I think I can honestly say this is the year that I’m starting over. I already did. I lost 10 lbs in the past 30 days just by cutting my portions in half, eating healthier, and watching my alcohol intake.
The next change I made was letting go. I did that as well. I let go of the things I cannot change. I can only live my life the way it works for me. I think by trying to consistently make others happy reeked havoc on my body and mind. Bottom line with this is you can’t live your life worrying about what others think or what is it that you can do to make them like you better. I spent so much time on this ridiculousness that it wasted a good part of my life. That’s nor here nor there it’s over and done with and I moved on.
I’m really truly happy at this point and I have to say I met a man that has something to do with all this change. There is a saying that goes something like, be with a person who makes you a better person etc…I’m going to have to google it and find out for sure but I did. I found someone who makes me a stronger better person. Not only did he help me restore my confidence to say and do what I wanted to do for a change, he also lets me be completely the person who I want to be and use to be a long, long time ago. I never stop laughing when I am around him.
People are on a continuous search to be happy. There are a few out there that can be totally content being alone and happy. Then there are others, like myself who need someone to be by there side and help them get through the rough times, make them stronger, be their soul mate, have a best friend to share everything with and I think I found him. He feels and tells me the same thing. Don’t get me wrong, I get so afraid that sometimes this is going to flop in my face because it has been a long time coming that I haven’t been happy, but that is where my faith steps in. I have faith in the thoughts and positive energy out there that this is going to make this happen for me and things are finally going to turn around.
Now listen, my life is way far from perfect. I have so many other issues going on right now that I have to take care of but having someone like him definitely makes it a lot easier to get through. I just had to say that because I didn’t want you all to think that my life is a bed of roses and all perfect and whatnot lol. Oh no far from it but I’ll get to that at a later date.
All I can say for now is that I’m soaking in all the good and putting the yuck on a back burner for now.
I have to go make my coffee and get my day rolling. Boys are off from school because of the holiday. I start my new semester(3rd) today for my associates in Human Services which I’m nervous about but like everything else I’ll get through it.
With everything I blog or post about I always hope that someone who reads it can get something out of it. I hope that in this post you can too. Even if it means to you that don’t give up on your search for happiness. Even just a little bit of happiness can open up a whole lot of new doors. Nobody’s life is perfect but don’t give up on wanting to make yourself happy. That is where it all begins and no matter what it takes, do it.