People, life, relationship, hurt, choices, chances

They piss me off. They also make my blood pressure rise. I left someone because he treated me and my boys horribly. I’m talking about my boyfriend of 5 years. He put on a show for his friends and family(sometimes)and acted like he really gave a shit. Behind closed doors we were living in hell. My son developed a stuttering problem over the course of two years and as soon I as left him, my sons stuttering problem stopped. He put us down, he screamed and yelled at us so much that my kids wore their earphones to their ipods and computer all the time. They didn’t want to hear it anymore and neither did I. He slipped from time to time and showed his true colors in front of his friends and family.

What I should have done from the beginning was take the advice of those who came to me and forewarned me about him and told me to stay away from him but stupid me, always giving someone the benefit of the doubt as usual.

I’m so happy and I hate it when people get in my ear and tell me how what I did wasn’t right, or how I’m going about things isn’t cool. How is it do they want me to go about it??? Stay with a person who belittled my kids and I? Stay with a person who made us a nervous wreck? Why just so we can make everyone’s life seem peachy??

All I can honestly say is that I tried. I gave it my best effort but I could do no more or I probably would have lost my kids to their dad. It was a bad situation that I had to make right and I did.

His house, his family, the camping trips, the big holidays, the presents for the kids, all that means nothing when you get back home and it’s just the four of us and it goes bad once again. Those times that are so far and few in between aren’t worth everything else that we had to go through. I wish things could have been different. There is so much more to the story but why bother? It’s like everyone else who goes through this it’s a relationship that went bad. I spent 18 years in an abusive relationship and there was no way I was going to spend the rest of my life in a similar situation. And, if the time ever arises again where I am not happy or I’m in a place where I don’t want to be in life, I’ll change it again. That is my option. This is life and we have the ability to make choices. If you don’t, your stupid.

Over and out for now until I feel the need to spill my guts once again.


And the hits keep coming…

and still all I can do is laugh! I’m sitting on the phone with the NYS Dept of Taxation and Finance. Hold time, 30 mins, shocking. They need additional information to process my return. Wth it is a simple form. Just another way to delay to giving me my refund. Word to the wise, I love NY don’t get me wrong but it’s crazy how expensive it is to live here and all the hoops you have to go through to survive in this state. They tax everything and I wouldn’t be surprised if they even taxed you when you sneezed.

They keep repeating to me how important my call is to them, well if it was why are you making me wait 30 mins to answer it? I don’t even want to think about how much this call is costing me. Does Verizon charge for landline calls? I really should have checked on that. Oh well.

I have so much to do and the last thing I want to be doing is waiting on the phone but hey it gives me time on here to putts around right.

I think I worked myself up so much lately that I am either have psoriasis or eczema on my hand from my nerves. Good job Jeana that is what you get for giving a hoot.

Only me.

Okay, update it has been 33:32 and they still haven’t picked up my important call. Unreal.

Starting from scratch

To me, life will always be some sort of a process. What’s the saying…if you don’t succeed, try again. Well, it’s true. How do you know what will make you happy if you don’t go out there and truly experience life right? If something doesn’t work(relationship, job, etc.)then change it or fix it.

I love sharing my thoughts for the day, recipes, as well as tips and ideas I learned from other bloggers and pinners. Oh how I love Pinterest! I hope you enjoy reading my posts and if you have any ideas or comments you’d like to share with me, please feel free!

I’ve had this site for over 5 years so my life has definitely changed. Relationships have come and gone, I’ve moved a few times, and I loved and I lost. But, this is life right. If I was to go back and delete all my past posts, you wouldn’t have seen the journey I’ve been on. Some of my stories are possibly something one of you could relate to.

Everything that has happened to me thus far has brought me to where I am today. I’ve learned a lot. Maybe you can too. Don’t ever contemplate change. It’s a good thing.

Where do I begin

It’s January 2013 already? My life is definitely passing me by. On Christmas eve a few weeks ago my house caught on fire. Between the damage of the fire, water, and below 0 temps, I just about lost everything, but I didn’t lose my family and that’s all that truly matters. To make that long story short, an ember blew out of the chimney and back on to the house which set the blaze. It was the most heart wrenching thing I’ve ever experienced. I’ve never felt so helpless in my entire life. I hold the memories close to my heart that were made in that house but that night is the night that I also let go of a lot of anguish. It was definitely a bitter-sweet moment in my life. My boys were raised in that house and knew nothing else. Those were some of the most precious memories I’ve ever made there. I lost all of our childhood keepsakes. Mine, the boys, and Toms. They were all stored up in the attic. How do you possibly deal with something like that? Their first strands of hair from their first haircut, their baby blankets, first outfits, etc. All gone. What does it mean though? It was all just material things right? When I die then what? Do my boys really want to lug all that stuff(precious stuff to me)around because they knew it meant so much to me? I guess it really doesn’t make a difference now though does it? It’s all gone.

There were so many memories made there I can’t even begin to get into it. Holding on to those memories is all that matters now.

The top half of this post was written day before yesterday. It’s amazing how my mood changes over a period of a couple of days.

I realized something this morning. I have a tendency to hold back. I hold back my feelings and my thoughts. I never let it all out and I think part of it is because I’m afraid of things going good for a change. That is another thing I’m afraid of is change. With this whole incident of my house catching on fire is a way to start over. My boyfriend hit it right on the nose, he said we were complacent in that house. It was holding us back and there was A LOT of luggage to go along with it. Now, we have no choice but to walk away, leave it all behind and let it go. It’s painstaking no doubt, but I also in a weird way feel like the sky is clearing. I literally at the end of 2012 felt like someone had a chokehold on me. Grant it I lost my mom in August and had gone through a rough time with her being sick but me watching her in pain put me through a lot of agonizing grief. My childhood left me with a ton of animosity and with her passing I was angry because I never told her enough(while she was well)the things that upset me from my past. That is a whole other issue that I’m not even sure I’m going to tackle but for now I’ll push it out of my thoughts. I have so much to deal with why put that mess on my plate as well right?

Whew must be the coffee today because I am a complete chatter box wth?

My decision is this today; I am going to make a change, say and write how I feel without hesitation or in fear of what others will think or in fear of losing people because of expressing my true feelings. That’s it bottom line over and done with.

That’s all for now…until next time. Wish me luck.