This cycle

I want to change this cycle I have been in for the past 10+ years. I feel like I haven’t been doing what I should be doing or not where I should be in life. With that being said, since my last post I did get my Christmas miracle and all went well. Or as well as it could have been. For the most part it was peaceful. Was it because I kept the peace and if something was out of sorts I took the blame or just swept it under the carpet? I feel like I am holding my breath at times and it all went well until yesterday anyway.

I can’t help but get angry once in a while and say what I feel. This doesn’t sit well with him. In a nut shell I am supposed to take it because this is how he is especially when doing business and if everyone else does it means I should too. Am I being too sensitive? When he starts screaming at me or when I ask a simple question and if he isn’t in the perfect mood to talk to me, then I should just let it go when he blows up at me? I’m tired of thinking of the right way to handle this. I don’t make excuses for myself or play the martyr. On a daily basis with him that is what I contend with. I can’t take it anymore. Get over with what happened to you 43 years ago. Get over who did wrong in life and all the bad relationships you’ve had. This is life. Life is a cycle and if we harbor all that went wrong it will destroy us in the end. Why can’t people realize this??? If I held on to everything that went wrong in my life starting at age 6, the stress and memories from all of it would have killed me ten times over.

I wish for nothing more than for this to be my best year ever. No fighting, no screaming, no threats, just peace.

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Author: Jeana

This is me. I'm a mom, a sister, a daughter, and friend. At times, and MOST of the time I live an ordinary life lol. I have two amazing teenage boys that I refer to ask my rocks. They are definitely as solid as they come and I am so grateful and blessed to have them in my life. I’m a teacher’s assistant and absolutely positively LOVE my job. Omg there is no greater pleasure in life then getting paid to do what you love to do. I’m not perfect nor is my life, but I try every day to get it right. This is my story and my journey. I hope you find some of my posts helpful, inspiring, useful, and not too boring lol. Thanks for visiting and I hope to hear some of your comments and questions if you have any to share.

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