When I first started this blog the purpose was to make it about new beginning, new house, starting over, and in one sense it is but the “new beginning” started off once again on a whole new track. Things played out a lot differently than what I expected and honestly I am not even sure where this is going to leave me. There are so many unknowns out there it’s not even funny. I feel like my life changes from one second to the next and I never ever know what tomorrow will bring. Talk about being the furthest thing from stability….??? Wth? Do I need that bucket with cement to keep me grounded? But if I did stick with one situation I would still be miserable to this day. Or if I sat around waiting for something or someone, that feeling left me empty. Empty isn’t good either.
I’m happy right now but scared. I feel like I didn’t buy that ticket yet for my final destination and it is making me uneasy. I think I should have some kind of plan set in place and don’t get me wrong, I’m in school full-time, I’m heading towards a goal, well sort of, I haven’t decided yet if that is truly what I want to end up doing. But that’s nor here nor there I’m use to not figuring it all out yet but is anyone?
To sum me up, I’m a 43-year-old mom, two awesome boys, in a so far great relationship with a guy who I think for the most part gets me. I am heading in a direction workwise that I think is what I ultimately want to be doing for the rest of my life. Those are all the good parts. My fears stem from I guess being at this age and stage in life and not having retirement(I did actually get the paperwork to open up a retirement account now I just have to follow through), not having health care, losing my house(to a fire)and having a jerk of an ex-husband that didn’t do his part and keep the insurance on it. Keeping my grades up in school, being the best mom I can be without sacrificing having a life of my own. Staying healthy and being true to myself.
I’m on a roll today. Why am I posting all this stuff about me well, I am real just like everyone else out there. I may not have figured out the direction I really want to be going in but at least I have some sort of a plan. I know for one thing and that is I am blessed with my kids being healthy and being able to stay at home with them during the summer and go to school full-time so I can finish my degree. I’m going to let it at that for now. I have a lot more I’d like to discuss but we have a dinner date at the Recovery Room to watch the CUSE game. So everyone enjoy the rest of your weekend. Thanks for listening.